The trumpet to the war has been blown

Ye finally the trumpet to the war has been blown. The war has begun and I have offically declared it against the enemy. Wait a minute, who is the war between and what for?

lol! Well the war is between me a nd and my sense of fear and insecurity that lurks inside me everytime. Ok I am confusing you even more.

the point of writing this post is purely selfish and a way to curb my one weakness through another.
Ye indeed. I wanted to be on my own for sure. Atleast if not my own then I should make an effort to get into a sector in which I preferably have an interest in.

Thus this is a post that signifies the giving up of my old self and embracing the new. Yes the new.
Since my the inception of the 2nd year I searched for ways and means to enhance my personal self and my personal interests. Infact to be more specific I was in search for the truth, finding what the real answers were to questions pertaining to life and living,career,sex,relationships,human nature,etc etc. Well now I am in the fourth year and most of these answers have been found and really I find alot of joy in now living in sync with the reality, and somewhere down the line, the trilogy of Matrix has a great role to play in i for whenever I saw the movies, I always felt some kind of a restless to answer many of those questions myself.

Amongst those questions and answers were those related to interests,passion,life,career and one's individual creativity and his special attributes that he is born with.Of all that I agree with PAulo Coelho,one of the most imminent ones is the fact that everyone is born with some talent inside him that moves in sync with his unconscious doing things like an automated robot,far more superior in the sense that it self programs itself everytime and does not require any instruction from everyone,even God for now God is already a part of him.
I did I find a few fields that I am passionate about,and one of them primarily being the art of writing.
Since the days of my childhood,I wrote alot of things. My poems and articles used to be published in school magazines,and I wrote and won in many essay competitions. SOmetimes I used to write my diary and I didn't know when I used to overflow and thus run into many pages where I had just scheduled a couple of pages to be written. But never the less this art could never be nurtured. This talent laid in the frying burn and it kept getting burnt and cooked in the labrinyth of destiny. My secondary schooling in an army school,played havoc in this regard. Though I would not actually like to blame the system for it,though it taught me alot of things like courage,valor, fighting and taking a stand,etc etc typical of the army life, yet I was never able to nurture this talent of mine there,for it was never valued in such an environment where a goal in the football game brought more cheers and recognition,or a parade performance brought more respect then academic things like doing well in the class and intellectuality.How this did make my overall personality,which I must admit I could not maintain post Sainik Scool life.
but a far greater degree of a problem to this non development of this art was that,unlike other creativity this filed had no formal grounf,atleast in India. Those who wrote books were too profoundly intellectual to be compared, and the art of creativity was limited to things like,painting,music,dramatics etc. Nevertheless,I had a ginger in each of these fields coz I enjoyed them all,but of course I never excelled exceptionally in these fields because I was never greatly talented in them.
Thus I always chose a main stream of a career and finally landed up in engineering. It wasn't that I was afraid to get a bullet on my chest in the army, the more imprtant thing was I felt caged in that kind of life, where like RGV's "Darna mana hai", the life in army,which I felt was like "sochna mana hai". And taking orders like a medicine was not my cup of tea. I was comfortably rebellious even in that strict environment,and have left enough marks for the school to remember.
Thus out of an effort to escape from the armed forces,out of an effort to escape from my father's idea of me pursuing a medicine course and lack of awareness of other lucratvie career options other than the ordinary graduation, I chose engineering. Never the lessI am atleast happy for the fact that I made a conscious choice back then,and it was far more a weighed option because at time the only advanced option that I considered was MBa,and in IIMs 90% people are from the engineering fraternity.
Well in pursuit of a life in that direction,I have finally did things that would propel me that way,one of them was alot of reading for english. Thus once again destiny was bringing me back to my own track.And once again,when I began to read,I got so invloved in the mysteries and intricacies of life that I forgot everything. I read alot,much more than my bulky engineering books would want me to.
And here I am. Amindst that journey of mine,when did this desire of mine become so strong that I wanted to be a writer,I don't know. When this passion for literature developed, I don't know.But for one thing I knew,my line of writing was much more better than English literature guys albeit minus its technicalities,like grammar,sentences etc,which I guess they were better.

So finally I have chosen. I am going to developa web 2.0 site,.a content based site and at the moent I have two books in mind. All these things require an effort,alot of effort indeed...and I really wanted to share this because I was frightened a bit, I too was feeling a little insecure,I too wanted a job and thus save myslelf from the pain of going on the road the road less travelled,whose future I did not know,but the present was certainly painful,and more painful is the begining,where everything is in a state of darkness not knowing where the road shall take me too,but never the less I have decided that I shall follow it and make my own fault.
The onlyb consolation prize that I have,is whenever I look back,I would not say that I could have done this, I could have done that,instead of living in the past later on,and living in the future now in the paradoxical sense that I shall do so and so in the future when I am comfortable and and secure, I chose to do it now. If life is not worth living now,then when??? And how am I to know whether I shall be success or failure in the time to come? The answer to all these is simple I do not know. And I can only know if I shall do it. I can only know if I shall put into practice what needs to be or ought to be done. I can only know the future if plan to make to one. But yes if I leave it to the heaven to guide me,then god knows when those people will fall asleep and I shall go astray for who knows,those up there in the heaven are usually old people who have died and gone p there,and old grandpas are prone to making alot of mistakes./
Thus its better that I trust my own intution and judgement and move on. Its better I believe in myself and make a decision,the decision maybe wrong, but yes even wrong decisions made by one ownself teaches you alot, because you are with it every step judging and weighing its pros and cons everytime.
Thus the trumpet has been blown. The war begun,no more shall I be lack lustre in my decisions and ways of life. Its easy to blog and write about ways of life and success and following the different path and all that stuff,the difficult part is actually implementing them with a strong vision in mind and a strong desire in the heart to make it happen.
Amen