When Fear meets Us

Fear!!!!
It has always been something I have dreaded. From walking down the busy road to sometimes sleping alone in my bedroom. How every night I sat before my little temple and prayed to God almighty that may all the fears never come to true. I took every little precaution. I watched every little step. I was perfect till the meaning of word did not arose any new emotion in me. Yet fear took over me most of the day. Suddenly one day it did happen. My worst fear came out to be true. Yes! I was devasted,broken and I was banging my head in front of the alter and asking God!, why did you do this? What was my fault? It was simply because I worshiped you and took care of myself? Or was it simply because I was careful. I did everything that was right. And today you have confronted me with my worst fears. I don't if I am going to be able to cope up with the pain. Why did you do this to me God, why???
My worst fears broke me. IT devasteted me and broke me from within. I was down to ashes. Everything that I loved and cared for and feared that I would never loose were destroyed. It was like a hurricane that came for a minute and robbed me out of everything. I was soon gone into oblivion. I cried everyday, waking up in the middle of the night and cursing God. All my friends were gone. I needed them most at this moment and yet they had abandoned me. How was I suppose to expect een such a behaviour from my own relationships. Some looked at me with pity some with no concern,as if I was just another sick animal ready to be rooted out from the present. I looked at myself with horror. What I was and what I am now? It was beyond imagination to the normal mind and to the obvious eyes. I cried bitterly at myself cursing God in my solitude, blaming him for my situation and accusing him for being ungrateful to my prayers and sacrifices.But alas,those words of cursing and accusations came back to me only. But soon it was enough. I was reduced to ashes of my soul, only a body walking in flesh and blood. I could not take it any longer. If disaster could be spelt as an event then this was it, nothing in the world could happen more worse than this to me. I was already dead. What more life could I loose. And then that day I resolved to awaken once again. That day I resolved that I shall take it upon me to solve every problem of mine. No more friends, relatives and even God shall be there to help. It has to be more, for whenever I ask for a true friend and look around, I only see myself even in the mirror of thin air. It not only a decision, it was a resolution. If I had to die, it shall be my way, the martyrs death. I shall fight to the last, to every piece of my bone that shall stand the test of bruising against steel, every nerve shall now run, and run for the sake of me. And then with that resolve I worked every hour every minute. I never got another opportunity to make thing better for me. I never needed to. I never expected such graciousness from the world. I grabbed every opportunity that came. If it didn't come I seized it. It was not supposed to be mine. It had to be mine. I got wounded along the way. I got bruised. I simply took care of them, bandaged them,washed them and was soon up. I was ready for my battles once again. I stopped looking at the abyss. I had to cover the manhole. I never prayed anymore. I simply toiled day in and day out. I never asked for help. Yet I was the solution to everything difficult.
Days past and nights slept away. I did not care for them now. I simply new I was reborn like the Phoenix in its new life. I had a huge task. Not only to avenge but to build once again. I simply worked. I cared no more. I feared no more. For I had experienced my worst fears.What could be worse than death. A living death. I had already died in my flesh. I feared no more,the real death.
Soon, the dawn had to come. I could see the light. I reached out for it and so it she. We kissed with air blowing up our hair, and I knew my days had come. I was rejoicing but still I was humble for the struggle taught me the value of my joy.
One day I was walking down the muddy road, the trees humming a beautiful theme, suddenly I heard a whisper say," My child today you have truly conquered your fears, for facing them and fighting them was the best way to do it. I am glad you have mustered up the courage to do so. And yes, I am happy that now you have offered your truest prayers to me, for one's work is the truest worship,ones creation the truest gifts offered to me, and I must say I am glad to accept them, for my thirst has never been quenched better than that the drops of sweat from a toiling man and my hunger never been satisfied better than a man who offers me his truest thanks after he has achieved his dream. You had died in flesh,my dear child a long ago,when you had given up yourself to your fears, your hardships were evident. But today you have been truely born again,the only difference being,not from the womb of your mother, but through the desires and strength of your thought."
"Welcome home son"
When I looked around, I could simply see children playing in the park near by. And I realized that God had spoken to me,through their laughter and the whispers of the trees. May I be his humble disciple,in the truest way that now he has shown me to be.
Amen.

Of Ethics and morality verses Practicality

One of the most pertinent dilemma I have faced in my life is the during the time when I have had to make a choice between ethics and practicality and I am sure it must be the story with everyone of us. After all we are all not born even nor a saint. We become a balance of the duo in our lifetime. But still have you ever tried to solve the dilemma like the situation says above. Well a few practical heads would just go on following what could be called as "being practical" and in the name of it,they would keep doing whatever they feel like without understanding the unethical of it untill and unless the world catches up with them and they are busted. on the other hand there are the other kinds,the very ethical and holy kinds, its in their ego to "bend a little" and may give up everything for that. It becomes a difficult choice when we are in the pathetic situation. Take an example, as to if you are a salesman, what are you going to do and going to sell. Well, you would definitely be faced with a choice and think of just sticking to the truth.
Often we are asked a very cliche question, that if you were to go from delhi to mumbai to say face a particular entrance/competitive exam, but then you are not getting any train reservation and you are confused as to what to do, use the corruption method and get your tickets, or be a moral person and give up the entrance exam coz you don't want to go the corrupt way. So what do you?

Well the only answer that I found to this was: PURPOSE.

Yes its the purpose that ultimately defines as to what we are doing is right or no!
Didn't get me right????
Well, using the corrupt ways to get the rail tickets so that you could give the entrance exams isn't a very bad idea. After all you used this method to fulfill the right goal: the goal of clearing the entrance exams. So as long as your purpose is right, you need not worry as to how you are going to reach the respective goal. And sometimes some wrong methods are necessary to reach our goal. What do I mean by wrong method? Well essentially wrong methods means breaking the existing rules,or twisting them, get the things through "it happes through this way only" method, and similar such methods.
Lets come to the rules. Who set those rules? Why were those rules set? If those rules do not satisfy my purpose in life then why should I follow them? A rule which is so rigid that you are not able to reach your goal then what is the necessity of such rules?? IT only goes on to mean that such rules are meant to be broken. After all what such rigid rules are made so that those who are sitting at their chair may continue to do so! This reduces competition and sooner or later it leads to the degradation of the whole system. Be it politics, business, bollywood, sports or any other field, the characteristic that should be common in all is a chance for everybody to have a free and fair competition. Since many typical rules are made which does not conform to this ideal need, it sometimes necomes a necessity to break the rules and thus use the "WRONG METHODS" to reach your goal. After all evil can only be defeated by evil, the only difference is we use the evil methods for good purposes.

I will just give another example of how this evil methods and evil purposes differ. It is usually seen in colleges/schools etc where alot of students bunk classes. A very common example. They are two categories of people who do this. Yet both do it purposely. The first category will bunk classes, go to the movies,sleep at their homes, lazy around, drink smoke and have a good time. And when the college is over, they are left with the begging bowls and simply look at those sincere ones who pass out with a secure job/marks etc. If you belong to this category, then hell be it. You are going to have a very tough time in your life. Though you may enjoy the present, but it is going to last for a very short time and you are going to cry for the rest of your life. And you will keep crying in happiness as well as despair over those daru-sutta days.

But before I come to the second category of people who bunk classes, let me describe the in-between kinds. The do good,live good, follow the rules and the sincere types. They attend classes, get marks(albeit whatever be the grounds of getting it), come back home do there work and are the sincere types. Atleast they reach the level as to what the society considers to be sincerity. They live in today, and are to insecure to venture out on some different paths to prove something or achieve something. SO what is the problem in being such a sincere person. The answer is nothing. No problem at all. But then there is nothing too great about it. You live by the system,for the system and you become apart of the system, gruelling under its rules complaining about the problems and then finally going back home and sleeping the day off. One day you realize that you have grown olf and then you die. Though you look back and see that you have lived a sincere life,but then that is just about it. nothing more or less. It is just that nothing wrong happened in your life. The only problem is you will feel the emptiness of something of value in your life. And the another thing that will keep biting you is that you could have done this and that that. The problem here is that though you know that you have worked your whole life but why did you work, what did you achieve etc, these questions will keep bothering you and eating you up from inside..... if you are the in-between then I don't know I can't comment. Coz though your life won't be meaningless, it would not be meaningful either. What is the difference between the two, you resolve.

Lets come to the second category of class bunkers!
These are the people who bunk class to escape from the present shit and work for something more valuable. That actually brings in some value to themselves and to the system. They do the evil of bunking classes but for a good purpose. They have their goal in mind. In schools students are usually seen bunking classes to prepare for competitive classes IITJEE and medical entrance exams. They know the rut education that they get in their schools won't help them for the IIT-JEE exams where true and conceptually cleared knowledge is required. In colleges, you would find students bunking classes so that they may devote more time to projects that are of their interest and they see a purpose in it, rather than wasting their time studying crap in the classes where the proffs themselves don't realize the crap they are teaching. Atleast if these students fail in some kind of their respective goals, atleast they have learnt something that is immense value and which shall lead them to much greater heights. YOu may call them selfish, but then its just a view. If that selfishness brings divine reults then let the whole world be selfish. Atleast then the blame game in the society would stop and the people would learn to be slefish enought to work for something substantial which brings something good to the society and ultimately to themsleves. That is the kind of selfish I am talking about.