When Fear meets Us

Fear!!!!
It has always been something I have dreaded. From walking down the busy road to sometimes sleping alone in my bedroom. How every night I sat before my little temple and prayed to God almighty that may all the fears never come to true. I took every little precaution. I watched every little step. I was perfect till the meaning of word did not arose any new emotion in me. Yet fear took over me most of the day. Suddenly one day it did happen. My worst fear came out to be true. Yes! I was devasted,broken and I was banging my head in front of the alter and asking God!, why did you do this? What was my fault? It was simply because I worshiped you and took care of myself? Or was it simply because I was careful. I did everything that was right. And today you have confronted me with my worst fears. I don't if I am going to be able to cope up with the pain. Why did you do this to me God, why???
My worst fears broke me. IT devasteted me and broke me from within. I was down to ashes. Everything that I loved and cared for and feared that I would never loose were destroyed. It was like a hurricane that came for a minute and robbed me out of everything. I was soon gone into oblivion. I cried everyday, waking up in the middle of the night and cursing God. All my friends were gone. I needed them most at this moment and yet they had abandoned me. How was I suppose to expect een such a behaviour from my own relationships. Some looked at me with pity some with no concern,as if I was just another sick animal ready to be rooted out from the present. I looked at myself with horror. What I was and what I am now? It was beyond imagination to the normal mind and to the obvious eyes. I cried bitterly at myself cursing God in my solitude, blaming him for my situation and accusing him for being ungrateful to my prayers and sacrifices.But alas,those words of cursing and accusations came back to me only. But soon it was enough. I was reduced to ashes of my soul, only a body walking in flesh and blood. I could not take it any longer. If disaster could be spelt as an event then this was it, nothing in the world could happen more worse than this to me. I was already dead. What more life could I loose. And then that day I resolved to awaken once again. That day I resolved that I shall take it upon me to solve every problem of mine. No more friends, relatives and even God shall be there to help. It has to be more, for whenever I ask for a true friend and look around, I only see myself even in the mirror of thin air. It not only a decision, it was a resolution. If I had to die, it shall be my way, the martyrs death. I shall fight to the last, to every piece of my bone that shall stand the test of bruising against steel, every nerve shall now run, and run for the sake of me. And then with that resolve I worked every hour every minute. I never got another opportunity to make thing better for me. I never needed to. I never expected such graciousness from the world. I grabbed every opportunity that came. If it didn't come I seized it. It was not supposed to be mine. It had to be mine. I got wounded along the way. I got bruised. I simply took care of them, bandaged them,washed them and was soon up. I was ready for my battles once again. I stopped looking at the abyss. I had to cover the manhole. I never prayed anymore. I simply toiled day in and day out. I never asked for help. Yet I was the solution to everything difficult.
Days past and nights slept away. I did not care for them now. I simply new I was reborn like the Phoenix in its new life. I had a huge task. Not only to avenge but to build once again. I simply worked. I cared no more. I feared no more. For I had experienced my worst fears.What could be worse than death. A living death. I had already died in my flesh. I feared no more,the real death.
Soon, the dawn had to come. I could see the light. I reached out for it and so it she. We kissed with air blowing up our hair, and I knew my days had come. I was rejoicing but still I was humble for the struggle taught me the value of my joy.
One day I was walking down the muddy road, the trees humming a beautiful theme, suddenly I heard a whisper say," My child today you have truly conquered your fears, for facing them and fighting them was the best way to do it. I am glad you have mustered up the courage to do so. And yes, I am happy that now you have offered your truest prayers to me, for one's work is the truest worship,ones creation the truest gifts offered to me, and I must say I am glad to accept them, for my thirst has never been quenched better than that the drops of sweat from a toiling man and my hunger never been satisfied better than a man who offers me his truest thanks after he has achieved his dream. You had died in flesh,my dear child a long ago,when you had given up yourself to your fears, your hardships were evident. But today you have been truely born again,the only difference being,not from the womb of your mother, but through the desires and strength of your thought."
"Welcome home son"
When I looked around, I could simply see children playing in the park near by. And I realized that God had spoken to me,through their laughter and the whispers of the trees. May I be his humble disciple,in the truest way that now he has shown me to be.
Amen.