Who were you? Why does it seem you were me and I were you. Why is that I prayed that I prayed to God and asked only for you. Why is it that my every moment was for you. You were mine and you always will be.
My soul, my love,my desire, my life... my wish, you were everything that made me complete.
Every reason,every inspiration, they couldn't exist it weren't for your presence.
Every logic,every word, you made my intelligence alive.
If there was life after death,and life after even that life, I never wished anything from God but you.I offered him to take my everything,just to be with you...for eternity.
But that day. Oh that day! In this chaotic city, where there is peace only in the infinity of the ocean, I wanted to take you out. Oh how long it had been, when I had been with you, only with you, caught in the rush of the city, trying the best,making the best for us. And I felt I wasn't living anymore,for the time with you spent,was getting less and less even more.
We had gone to the nostalgic gateway Of India, where I had first seen you,clicking photographs, giving sweets to the street kids,scolding them teaching them laughing with them. The strain of muscles on your face, as they widened to let the world glitter with your shining teeth, your smile that that would light a million bulbs of happiness across the world, and you clicked. That camera,a professional one for sure, the way it hugged across your neck, making me jealous, for it seemed it took you away in his arms,to the world of click,click click.
And suddenly you were coming towards me. I felt a little sense of fear. Did you read my thoughts I said to myself. You got nearer,I heart beat faster, like the ray of light from an enigma coming close to touch you.
"Excuse me", you told me. Well squeeze me I thought heard."Can you help me take these scenic view?",you asked me."Of course I replied",As if I had the the desire to say no. And as you set the stand for the photo. Click,click click. The sound of the camera came like the beats from A. R Rehman. Hmmm beauty can make you mad, I had read.But the madness I would like to live with for my whole life. God,I thought, make me insane, but let me live with this girl for my whole life.
And suddenly I saw you. Bending over the railings. What was it you wanted to focus on. And suddenly you lost your balance. You reeled forward too much than required. I was there.Never had I moved so fast,lightening fast,God I knew you had given me the strength. I grabbed her hand about to disappear in the air, before she plunged in the water below, the sea welcoming her with open arms. But I disappointed the sea, caught the woman and she just grabbed me hugged me like a child who just woke up from his worst nightmares. "Calm",I said. "No:,she said. I don't know how to swim, she started crying,"and its so deep".
She was still hugging me, and after about 15 minutes she realized the situation. I didn't stop her. Would I? God this was the best moment of my life. "Thank you God",I said to him, you have answered my prayers.But she hung for 5 or more minutes,and she was conscious of it now. I could feel her. Her pulses were running faster than the bullets.But now she was calm. Calm as the sea below. Finally she said,"Thank you" "I owe you one. I don't know how to thank you. Well I don't know." "Suddenly some members of her team arrived,"Tania",one of them said, "we got to go,we are getting late." They were unaware of what had happened.
She looked at me.Waiting for me to say something."yeah, I guess you are getting late",suddenly I spat. "OH shit",I thought, what the F.
"yeah,it was nice meeting you,",that's all she could answer. I stood there dumbfounded. She turned to go. God give me strength. But suddenly, I found myself moving.Once again I moved fast. I went to her and grabbed her hand, softly,gently. She looked at me. She smiled. Well I smiled back."I have heard Cafe Leopold is the one of the most famous places to have coffee in Mumbai. Would you like to take some pictures there. She looked amused. She smiled again as if telling me, idiot couldn't you have told me before, what was taking you so long.
An there there we were at the Cafe. And that's how met her . Tania.
And today, after 4 years,exactly after 4 years,this day 26/11, I had chosen to come to gateway of India to celebrate our first rendezvous. The breeze was lovely, It was November,and I found myself humming "November Rain"."Shit, that's a sad song. think of something else."
We are laughing once again. She had brought her camera to take pictures of us. She was looking stunning. Same like what she was 4 years ago.She always looked stunning for all the 4 years.
We took the ferry ride, it was lovely. With the sea breeze on my face, and her on my side. I wanted to kiss her. Suddenly a toddler came walking to us and I controlled my emotion.
We went back to the Gateway of India. We were walking on the sideways.
"Hey let's have coffee once again",I told her."A little later", she said. But I insisted. We were near the Taj. Suddenly she said she wanted to hug me. I felt strange. We walked a little below, where we were closer to the sea. And I don't know why but she held me tightly. Woman I tell u, very strange. But Suddenly I felt her tightening me. "Control Tania..."And suddenly she turned around. The next I heard was gun shots. I fell in the sea. She fell with me. But she was clam and quiet, why was she quiet. I knew how to swim, but she couldn't. I could see her sink. But more so I realized the water was red. God I thought,what's happening. First I has to pull her out. But she was still, calm. I called her, no replies.IT was calm here, but it was chaotic up. More gun shots. Then police vans came.Then everything was silent.I pulled her out of water. But she wouldn't realized. I brought her up. IT was chaos. Then I pulled my left hand a little to see the time. I was confused. God,then I realized my hand was full of blood. My wife was shot.GOd... I started running. I ran... I ran.......... I don't know how much I ran. then I saw a mini ambulance van parked there. They were stuck. They were heading to the India Gate. I told the driver to turn back. He saw the situation. I could see the public getting out of their vehicles in horror. The ambulance turned. People gave us the way. There was confusion everywhere and we headed for the nearest hospital.
The doctors co operated. They took her to the emergency room. But after half an hour.I was feeling fearful. But they came out and told me "sorry","We couldn't help it. "She died long ago."
I was in a state of shock.I don't know what happened. I found myself on the hospital bed after 3 days. They told me the shock had me unconscious.
But now I feel God why didn't you take me with her.
Oh Tania, why did you save me to take the bullets yourself to save me.The news channels were full of the gory incidents. It was the worst terrorist attack India had ever got.
And it was the worst for me.
As I sat there I realized:
No more shall I wait,for every moment seems like a year, no more shall think,for every thought makes me think only of you, no more shall I feel,for every touch brings me closer to u, no more shall I live for every breadth brings me your fragrance, who are you, for u are the pulse that is the beat of my heart.
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