Stepping into Adulthood!!!

Well, College finishes and thus the strive into the real world starts. I am just not talking about salaries and all, but something more, something that you did not see it coming, something you did not feel it before.
As I get the news of a couple of relatives( my uncles n all) getting health problems which are quite serious, and as the elderly speak to you in a helpless tone looking forward to your support, I really felt something was changing. The vulnerable sides of the elders are quite visible now,which seemed to be missing before and who stood as pillars of support throughout your life untill you became an adult. I guess being adult has more meaning than just earning money and supporting a family,your family. It also seems that we need to extend a tender hand at all those people who had stood by us till we graduated in the lessons of life nd finally could run on the tracks of society on our own. It really seems very odd in the beginning when those people in whose laps you might have cried, are now at the same very position looking for a shoulder to shed their tears. It really seems very odd,when you see them acting childishly and sometimes you have to scold them to not to act like that. And that is the point you know that you have become a man, ready to carry the baton of life till the future generations is ready,while serving the older one and at the same time giving you the glimpse of what lies ahead. Sometimes you feel proud to be in such honorable positions,at the same time you feel alone, for now you are the decision maker, you are the captain of the ship,and if you make a mistake lest the ship drown in the midst of the Ocean. Seems like this is the fate of humanity, this is the call of duty, this is the meaning of life.
There may seem to be alot of contradictions above, but then that's how emotions are and I had no other purpose in this post,rather than expressing them.

Larry J Ellision: The Creator of Oracle

Larry J Ellision, a remarkable personality by all means. I just happened to read his interview on this wonderful website and I would certainly suggest everyone else to read it.
Its awesome. More than me, this interview shall speak for itself:

Interview of Lawrence J Ellision

When Fear meets Us

Fear!!!!
It has always been something I have dreaded. From walking down the busy road to sometimes sleping alone in my bedroom. How every night I sat before my little temple and prayed to God almighty that may all the fears never come to true. I took every little precaution. I watched every little step. I was perfect till the meaning of word did not arose any new emotion in me. Yet fear took over me most of the day. Suddenly one day it did happen. My worst fear came out to be true. Yes! I was devasted,broken and I was banging my head in front of the alter and asking God!, why did you do this? What was my fault? It was simply because I worshiped you and took care of myself? Or was it simply because I was careful. I did everything that was right. And today you have confronted me with my worst fears. I don't if I am going to be able to cope up with the pain. Why did you do this to me God, why???
My worst fears broke me. IT devasteted me and broke me from within. I was down to ashes. Everything that I loved and cared for and feared that I would never loose were destroyed. It was like a hurricane that came for a minute and robbed me out of everything. I was soon gone into oblivion. I cried everyday, waking up in the middle of the night and cursing God. All my friends were gone. I needed them most at this moment and yet they had abandoned me. How was I suppose to expect een such a behaviour from my own relationships. Some looked at me with pity some with no concern,as if I was just another sick animal ready to be rooted out from the present. I looked at myself with horror. What I was and what I am now? It was beyond imagination to the normal mind and to the obvious eyes. I cried bitterly at myself cursing God in my solitude, blaming him for my situation and accusing him for being ungrateful to my prayers and sacrifices.But alas,those words of cursing and accusations came back to me only. But soon it was enough. I was reduced to ashes of my soul, only a body walking in flesh and blood. I could not take it any longer. If disaster could be spelt as an event then this was it, nothing in the world could happen more worse than this to me. I was already dead. What more life could I loose. And then that day I resolved to awaken once again. That day I resolved that I shall take it upon me to solve every problem of mine. No more friends, relatives and even God shall be there to help. It has to be more, for whenever I ask for a true friend and look around, I only see myself even in the mirror of thin air. It not only a decision, it was a resolution. If I had to die, it shall be my way, the martyrs death. I shall fight to the last, to every piece of my bone that shall stand the test of bruising against steel, every nerve shall now run, and run for the sake of me. And then with that resolve I worked every hour every minute. I never got another opportunity to make thing better for me. I never needed to. I never expected such graciousness from the world. I grabbed every opportunity that came. If it didn't come I seized it. It was not supposed to be mine. It had to be mine. I got wounded along the way. I got bruised. I simply took care of them, bandaged them,washed them and was soon up. I was ready for my battles once again. I stopped looking at the abyss. I had to cover the manhole. I never prayed anymore. I simply toiled day in and day out. I never asked for help. Yet I was the solution to everything difficult.
Days past and nights slept away. I did not care for them now. I simply new I was reborn like the Phoenix in its new life. I had a huge task. Not only to avenge but to build once again. I simply worked. I cared no more. I feared no more. For I had experienced my worst fears.What could be worse than death. A living death. I had already died in my flesh. I feared no more,the real death.
Soon, the dawn had to come. I could see the light. I reached out for it and so it she. We kissed with air blowing up our hair, and I knew my days had come. I was rejoicing but still I was humble for the struggle taught me the value of my joy.
One day I was walking down the muddy road, the trees humming a beautiful theme, suddenly I heard a whisper say," My child today you have truly conquered your fears, for facing them and fighting them was the best way to do it. I am glad you have mustered up the courage to do so. And yes, I am happy that now you have offered your truest prayers to me, for one's work is the truest worship,ones creation the truest gifts offered to me, and I must say I am glad to accept them, for my thirst has never been quenched better than that the drops of sweat from a toiling man and my hunger never been satisfied better than a man who offers me his truest thanks after he has achieved his dream. You had died in flesh,my dear child a long ago,when you had given up yourself to your fears, your hardships were evident. But today you have been truely born again,the only difference being,not from the womb of your mother, but through the desires and strength of your thought."
"Welcome home son"
When I looked around, I could simply see children playing in the park near by. And I realized that God had spoken to me,through their laughter and the whispers of the trees. May I be his humble disciple,in the truest way that now he has shown me to be.
Amen.

Of Ethics and morality verses Practicality

One of the most pertinent dilemma I have faced in my life is the during the time when I have had to make a choice between ethics and practicality and I am sure it must be the story with everyone of us. After all we are all not born even nor a saint. We become a balance of the duo in our lifetime. But still have you ever tried to solve the dilemma like the situation says above. Well a few practical heads would just go on following what could be called as "being practical" and in the name of it,they would keep doing whatever they feel like without understanding the unethical of it untill and unless the world catches up with them and they are busted. on the other hand there are the other kinds,the very ethical and holy kinds, its in their ego to "bend a little" and may give up everything for that. It becomes a difficult choice when we are in the pathetic situation. Take an example, as to if you are a salesman, what are you going to do and going to sell. Well, you would definitely be faced with a choice and think of just sticking to the truth.
Often we are asked a very cliche question, that if you were to go from delhi to mumbai to say face a particular entrance/competitive exam, but then you are not getting any train reservation and you are confused as to what to do, use the corruption method and get your tickets, or be a moral person and give up the entrance exam coz you don't want to go the corrupt way. So what do you?

Well the only answer that I found to this was: PURPOSE.

Yes its the purpose that ultimately defines as to what we are doing is right or no!
Didn't get me right????
Well, using the corrupt ways to get the rail tickets so that you could give the entrance exams isn't a very bad idea. After all you used this method to fulfill the right goal: the goal of clearing the entrance exams. So as long as your purpose is right, you need not worry as to how you are going to reach the respective goal. And sometimes some wrong methods are necessary to reach our goal. What do I mean by wrong method? Well essentially wrong methods means breaking the existing rules,or twisting them, get the things through "it happes through this way only" method, and similar such methods.
Lets come to the rules. Who set those rules? Why were those rules set? If those rules do not satisfy my purpose in life then why should I follow them? A rule which is so rigid that you are not able to reach your goal then what is the necessity of such rules?? IT only goes on to mean that such rules are meant to be broken. After all what such rigid rules are made so that those who are sitting at their chair may continue to do so! This reduces competition and sooner or later it leads to the degradation of the whole system. Be it politics, business, bollywood, sports or any other field, the characteristic that should be common in all is a chance for everybody to have a free and fair competition. Since many typical rules are made which does not conform to this ideal need, it sometimes necomes a necessity to break the rules and thus use the "WRONG METHODS" to reach your goal. After all evil can only be defeated by evil, the only difference is we use the evil methods for good purposes.

I will just give another example of how this evil methods and evil purposes differ. It is usually seen in colleges/schools etc where alot of students bunk classes. A very common example. They are two categories of people who do this. Yet both do it purposely. The first category will bunk classes, go to the movies,sleep at their homes, lazy around, drink smoke and have a good time. And when the college is over, they are left with the begging bowls and simply look at those sincere ones who pass out with a secure job/marks etc. If you belong to this category, then hell be it. You are going to have a very tough time in your life. Though you may enjoy the present, but it is going to last for a very short time and you are going to cry for the rest of your life. And you will keep crying in happiness as well as despair over those daru-sutta days.

But before I come to the second category of people who bunk classes, let me describe the in-between kinds. The do good,live good, follow the rules and the sincere types. They attend classes, get marks(albeit whatever be the grounds of getting it), come back home do there work and are the sincere types. Atleast they reach the level as to what the society considers to be sincerity. They live in today, and are to insecure to venture out on some different paths to prove something or achieve something. SO what is the problem in being such a sincere person. The answer is nothing. No problem at all. But then there is nothing too great about it. You live by the system,for the system and you become apart of the system, gruelling under its rules complaining about the problems and then finally going back home and sleeping the day off. One day you realize that you have grown olf and then you die. Though you look back and see that you have lived a sincere life,but then that is just about it. nothing more or less. It is just that nothing wrong happened in your life. The only problem is you will feel the emptiness of something of value in your life. And the another thing that will keep biting you is that you could have done this and that that. The problem here is that though you know that you have worked your whole life but why did you work, what did you achieve etc, these questions will keep bothering you and eating you up from inside..... if you are the in-between then I don't know I can't comment. Coz though your life won't be meaningless, it would not be meaningful either. What is the difference between the two, you resolve.

Lets come to the second category of class bunkers!
These are the people who bunk class to escape from the present shit and work for something more valuable. That actually brings in some value to themselves and to the system. They do the evil of bunking classes but for a good purpose. They have their goal in mind. In schools students are usually seen bunking classes to prepare for competitive classes IITJEE and medical entrance exams. They know the rut education that they get in their schools won't help them for the IIT-JEE exams where true and conceptually cleared knowledge is required. In colleges, you would find students bunking classes so that they may devote more time to projects that are of their interest and they see a purpose in it, rather than wasting their time studying crap in the classes where the proffs themselves don't realize the crap they are teaching. Atleast if these students fail in some kind of their respective goals, atleast they have learnt something that is immense value and which shall lead them to much greater heights. YOu may call them selfish, but then its just a view. If that selfishness brings divine reults then let the whole world be selfish. Atleast then the blame game in the society would stop and the people would learn to be slefish enought to work for something substantial which brings something good to the society and ultimately to themsleves. That is the kind of selfish I am talking about.

AWE PERSONA: TAPASEE/TAAPSEE PANNU:- mISS iNDIA fINALIST and a successful model

The beautiful figure majestically swung with every beat of music,every expression on her face matching the lyrics and the rhythm of the song leaving the audience in a natural state of awe.The fire in her eyes quenched every thirst among the spectators,the beautiful smile floored them to the ground,well after she finished her performance at the dance competition,the audience and even the judges gaped and could only shout "Tapsi ONCE MORE".... but alas!,to their bitter disappointment.
Tapasee Pannu,better known as 'Tapsi" amongst her friends and peer group,is a third year Engineering student at GTBIT,Rajouri Garden,New Delhi. She shot into the limelight early in her first year when she mesmerized every Engineering College possible in Delhi with her dance performance,during the dance competitions for their individual college festivals. Clearly the signs were indicated that this girl was not meant for the daily grind of being an engineer, and that she was made for more and certainly deserved it.
After a hard time convincing her parents to permit her for taking up modelling as a career,she was successful in a very short time.Soon she was flooded with offers from USI,World Gold Council,Vardhaman,Coca Cola etc and became a whos who of the modelling world.

The next step was obvious...... she was part of the PANTALOON'S FEMINA MISS INDIA CONTEST as top 29 finalists and managed to win laurels there too. She was lauded with Pantaloon's Femina Miss Fresh Face and Safi Femina Miss Beautiful Skin.


Though she did not win the coveted titles,yet this is a big achievement for her and there seems to be alot to achieve in the future.Even then I wonder is this a loss for her or for India as a whole.It would be definitely a loss for India if the winners don't come back with the international crowns.Surely this girl next door has come a long way ahead to becoming a glamor goddess.And all this in less than 10 months.








Truly this girl is not only an icon of beauty but also an icon of inspiration for many who wish to follow their heart and lead a life that's essentially theirs.
Best of luck Tapsi in your future endeavor.



visit her at:
www.tapasee-pannu.com

AWE PERSONA: TAPASEE/TAAPSEE PANNU;- an interview

After much anticipation and a lot of hard work,here it is I have finally been able to bring to u a small interview which I did with Miss Tapasee Pannu,the finalist of Pond's Femina Miss India 2008 Beauty pageant and also the proud winner of the two titles : Pond's Femina Miss Beautiful Skin and Pantaloon's Femina Miss Fresh Face. Let me tell you this girl has been very busy off late,apart from the hectic shooting schedules to beauty pageants,she also has a four year Engineering degree to cover. Ok without any further wastage of time, I present here the interview with Tapasee Pannu. Just see in what hurry she had to finish writing the answers and I tend to write it as it is so as to preserve originality. I have decoded it later in brackets for the lesser mortals to understand.

Here is the interview:

Me> Congratulations Tapsi,on your winning the two titles at PFMI'08,so how are you feeling now?

Tapsi.> gr8, atleast i dint cum bak empty handed. i got 2 really imp sub titles n m happy fr it.
(Great,atleast I didn't come back empty handed,I got two really important sub titile and I I am very happy for it.)

Me.> Tell us a little about your experience at PFMI Contest.

Tapsi.> It was an interesting xperience... full of ups n downs.... thr were days wen i was really
happy n thr were days wen i felt like cumin bak, leavin everythin.we had 14 xperts to
train us n no doubt it was a gr8 learnin xperience.d most imp thing was, dat v had 2 live n
adjust wid 28 strangers.grls who nt only came frm diffrnt parts of d country n d world bt
also frm diffrnt kinds of backgrnd.so in all its an xperience to treasure.

(It was an interesting experience,full of ups and downs.There were days when I was really happy and there were days when I felt like coming back,leaving everything.We had 14 experts to train us and no doubt it was a great learning experience,the most important was that we had to live and adjust with 28 strangers.Girls who not only came from different parts of the country and the world but also from different kinds of background. So in all its an experience to treasure.)

Me.>Sounds interesting indeed.Are you happy now?

Tapsi>m happy fr what i got, il b happier if v get d international crowns back, nly den il believe dat grls who were chosen over many others were actually worthed, coz at d end of d day nothin is more imp than gettin d crowns back.
(I am happy for what I got,I will be happier if we get the international crowns back,only then I will believe that girls who were chosen over many others were actually worth it,because at the end of the day nothing is more important than getting the crown back.)

Me.>That was quite philosophical indeed.So when did it strike you that you wanted to be a model after being in a very traditional Engineering College?

Tapsi>i always like to try diffrnt things in my life dat is why m always keen on doin everythin
dats nt xpected out of me.i luv being unpredictable.and whats more unpredictable than
goin fr d biggest pageant of d country while studyin fr one of d toughest degree.

(I always like to try different things in my life that is why I am always keen on doing everything that is not expected out of me.I love being unpredictable and what more unpredictable than going for the biggest pageant of the country while studying for one of the toughest degree.)

Me.>Truly indeed.A very inspiring message.That reminds me of the fact that Priyanka Chopra was a Computer Science and Engineering student too before she became Miss World but she discontinued it later.You almost repeated the same feat.But I guess you shall complete your degree.Anyways was it difficult convincing your parents?

Tapsi>it was difficult initially wen i started modellin bt wid my success n d output of my wrk, de
were pretty convinced and by the time of miss india they were e1 more enthu than me

(It was difficult initially when I started modelling but with my success and the output of my work they were pretty convinced and by the time of Miss India Contest,they were even more enthusiastic than me )

Me.>So how did you begin on your hallowed path of modelling?

Tapsi>as i mentioned b4 dat i always end up doin sumthin which isnt xpected out of me, same
goes fr modellin as well. nothin was pre planned, i had no support or acquaintances in d
industry, i jst went fr gg4 auditions n to my suprise i got selected frm delhi amongst all d
other models who were already in2 dis field since long. after dat i thot of givin it a serious
try, so got my folio made n den thr was no lookin bak.

(As I mentioned before that I had always ended up doing something which isn't expected out of me,same goes for modelling as well.Nothing was pre-planned.I had no support or acquaintances in the industry,I just went for gg4 auditions and to my surprise,I got selected from Delhi amongst all the other models who were into this field since long. After that I thought of giving it a serious try,so got my folio made and then there was no looking back.)

Me.>Eureka! That was surely an icredible discovery.You really belong to that world of glamor.I am sure Engineering is happy of loosing you gradually(a joke). Any obstacles you faced?

Tapsi>d nly obstacle i face is coz of my studies, bt i dnt consider it as an obstacle, its jst a speed
breaker fr me 2 realize dat i need 2 slow down as my focus is my educational career and
not d media world.

(The only obstacle I face is because of my studies,but I don't consider it as an obstacle,its just a speed breaker for me to realize that I need to slow down as my focus is my educational career and not the media world.)
Me.> So how do you feel in this stage of your career?

Tapsi>i dunno if m in frnt or nt bt m happy fr whatevr ive dun in 10 months.m proud of myself.

(I don't know if I am in front or not but I am happy for whatever I have done in 10 months. I am proud of myself)
Me.>What are your passions Tapsi?

Tapsi>apart frm dancin wen i think bout my passion i feel dat 1 noticably diffrnt thing bout me is dat no matter wtevr i do in life, completin it successfully becums my passion.

(Apart from dancing, when I think about my passion I feel that one noticeably different thing about me is that no matter whatever I do in life,completeing it successfully becomes my passion)
Me> Thats like a true Leo speaking and thats the way it should be.So what are future plans,Bollywood maybe or modelling to be continued?

Tapsi>my future plans r very clear, il complete my b.tech n den go fr mba, il continue modellin side by side as i hate a monotonous life.
(My future plans are very clear,I will complete my b. tech and then go for an MBA, I will continue modelling side by side as I hate a monotonous life.)

Me.>Any message you would like to give to your admirers and to those who are inspired by you?

dream it, nly den u cn achieve it.

Tapsi>life is too short 2 b wasted in jst thinkin bout doin things n later on regret on d fact dat u cudnt do it. go fr it, live life, king size!
(life is too short to be wasted in just thinking about doing things and later on regret on the fact that you couldn't do it. Go for it,live life king size!)

Truly indeed. Thank You Tapsi.All the best for your future.

So Ladies and Gentlemen that was Tapasee Pannu for you,Pantaloon's Femina Miss Fresh Face and Safi Miss Beautiful skin,winners of the two titles at PFMI 2008. Hope it must have inspired you also to bring out the best in you.

BacK from the dead........

Yes indeed, back from the dead.
It has truly been long that I have been posting at my blog and it was time that I renew my efforts in this directions. First and the foremost thing is that I was away because the exmas @ college kept me occupied for a very long time and this was like one of the longest exam season to have come and gone. The engineering is almost over,but it has left no effort in squeezing every juice out of me. Really it sucked like hell and it always makes me feel what did I gain in the last three and a half years trying to learn the things that I was never going to use in life. Perhaps the system of graduation in our country is goddammed confused as to what it wants the student to do. I guess blaming the system is not the appropriate thing to do. But I guess what becomes more relevant is that instead of blaming the system, we try andunderstand the system as to why it is so, why is the mentality like this and why ultimately it sucks. Coz at any point of time if yo try to talk of change, people are going to kick your a** and then try to praise the system instead. Forget about the moments when the actually are the loudest complaining about the system. So what should be done:
There can be two things that can be done 1)At the macro level
2)At the micro level
At the macro level what you can do is bring about a revolution and blah blah blah........... well this is all that everyone knows and everyone lectures the other people about. I am not going to even talk more about this.

2)AT the micro level
YEs this is going to the point of focus for me. this is something that makes things quite complicated,interesting and fun. At the micro level,I am talking about you, me and anyone who is an individual and when he looks in the mirror he sees himself and wants to be himself. YEs,at the micro level I am talking about an individual. Every individual,who is the part of this very rotten system, stops complaining about the various nefarious designs that this system has,and instead gets up and works hard to create something for HIMSELF,for his happiness and for his ambition, I am talking about that individual who at the the very basic level of himself, who the his individual capacity,change the world for himself, he is that selfish enough to be strongly responsible for himself, I am talking about that individual as the one who can bring about a change in this society and to this world, because when he works at the small capacity,he knows what works and what does not work, what is prominent and what is not, what is that makes the things going and the work done. Maybe I am not clear in this regard, but what I intend to say,I guess, is clear.

Anyways, why the title of this post as back from the dead.?
Well the reason is this: I did not know if I was really living or no. I did not know as to which part of the world I was in. I just knew I was a mechanical body just doing the functions that I was programmed to do maybe with a little bit of artificial intelligence. I could sense fun and laughter, but was I laughing, I don't know. I did grin my teeth alot though. The nutshell is, something was always bugging me. It was eating me up from within. I was feeling miserable, like fly caught in the web, as if it was fault to fly when other insects crawled. Anyways, now finally I am over that period, I have found that missing piece of that jigsaw
puzzle. I have finally found the meaning of everything and then suddenly I felt alive. YEs, a refreshing change and energy came unto me and I felt I was living. I felt the wings grow from my back and I could sense the elation of flying. Finally I have caught up with life,having realized how behind I was and how it was dragging me along the way. Now I walk along with life,sometimes we share a joke or two, and it is really fun. Finally I am back from the dead.